Seasons Change

Just read my last post! Which was my first post from last fall. Wow! Now 5 months from then and in a COMPLETELY different place. Only 5 weeks left in my SECOND semester! How crazy is that? I have almost completed my first year of GRAD SCHOOL! It is so amazing to think that and to also think that this time next year I will be graduating!! Not to get ahead of myself but it is crazy to think of all that God has brought me through and what else may be to come. I have come to newer understanding of what the seasons mean. Aside from the fact that I am from Florida and we don't really have seasons, this understanding has been a newer revelation of my spiritual journey.

FALL : Some definitions- (also known as fall in American English) is one of the four temperate seasons. Autumn marks the transition from summer into winter, usually in March (Southern Hemisphere) or September (Northern Hemisphere) when the arrival of night becomes noticeably earlier; A period of maturity verging on decline.

What strikes me about this definition is that the arrival of night becomes noticeably earlier and that maturity basically begins to decline. As I reflect on my first months here in Wheaton, the graduate program and coming off of a life of community, I think about in my spiritual life what it looked for night to seem noticeably earlier. The night or the darkness did seem to come and to come quite quickly. Coming off of the year I came from and into a new place, I felt so alone and really that I was in a dark place. And it always seemed as though the night was coming in quicker than ever before. I remember when my parents left and thinking "finally I am free and on my own" and blah blah blah. Then it happened, one thing after the other started to fall apart basically and rapidly so. And just as leaves fall so everything was being stripped off of me, my "true colors" were showing through. God was preparing to deal with me, preparing me for longer nights and shorter days.

WINTER: The coldest of the year, between autumn and spring, marked by the shortest days and longest nights.

What a great description. My times of darkness and night in my life were so long. "Day" in my life was so short, no light and sunny times. I felt sad and alone, bare and as if I was raw and open for all to see that I was struggling and trying to figure it all out. Obviously winter is typically described the coldest season. Everything has died, the leaves are gone and all is bare. My winter was just that. I experienced a death of a season of life. Sure I had my old community still available if I absolutely needed it but I had to say goodbye to it and fully so. And yet. God was preparing me. Not that I could see it at the time but He was. Then my mom was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and it was tough. It was tough being away from home knowing all that was happening at home. AND it was physically winter time at this point- February. February is known as the worst month of winter and it was. It snowed constantly, was bitterly cold and it was very hard to get through. This winter period lasted through February to me being home through the surgery and a couple weeks when i got back and into preparing for Spring break. There had to be a reprieve coming at this point. It felt like everything was crashing in. One series of bad things after the other, was there ANY good to be found?